On The Road (Metaphorically) Again
12/10/07 07:32 AM Filed in: Misc.
You see, I'm not really on the "road" as such, since
I'm in a plane.
This first part is just a stream of consciousness rant. Feel free to skip to...
35,000 feet above what I'm going to presume is Michigan on the first leg of a trip to see my parents for a week then a few days in my future home of Texas, I'm trying to pretend that the tiny tray on the jam packed tiny plane I'm on is big enough to open my laptop and hammer out a blog post. But it isn't. I'm so cramped that I'm having to constantly type and retype almost every word. That and after deadlifting yesterday my back is too tight for me to get comfortable in the seat. I'm being pretty generous here, it's not like I'm some super powerlifter. More likely there is no way any normal shaped person could be comfortable in these iron-flat-ass seats with the concave backing to give the illusion that you have some room. Although, it's particularly bad here since I ended up on a tiny plane with some particularly freakishly tall and/or fat people. A whole collection of Herman Munster's and Ralphie May's. Is it indecent to ask that if you're booking your flight online that you put your size info in and that will be a factor so they don't put too many ginormous people on one flight? I mean we've already give up so many personal freedoms (along with our dignity) when we go through TSA. It instills almost no faith in the administration that is in place to provide safety for travelers when, as you stand there waiting for your three different bins so you can grab your belongings, the TSA agent manning the X-Ray guffaws to his coworker that when he tried to move the monitor he accidentally hit the power button and turned it of "haw-haw-haw!" Oh, we have good times humiliating people for a living...
[The bell to turn off all electronic devices goes off here, it picks up after I make my connection]
Squeezing onto a Canadair Regional Jet with some more abnormally large people the guy sitting next to me in 9-A said, "This jet is Canada's revenge against the U.S."
I just smiled and said "yeah," because I didn't know how else to react. Now, several hours later, I have no idea what the hell he meant. Canada's revenge against us? For what? For having a more temperate climate? Then getting up to let the guy next to me get out, I clock myself on the bulkhead. It was really loud and embarrassing and the guy a row back said "watch your head" after I did it. I didn't want to make waves so I just let out a stifled "thanks" through clenched teeth. How clever, I will watch my head NOW THAT I KNOW IT'S CAPABLE OF SMASHING INTO THE CARRY-ON STORAGE.
After hours on the tarmac and many gallons of gooey green wing de-icer I stepped off the plane into 68 degrees of humid Tennesse warmth to find that the TSA befouled my bags with what looks like fluorescent green chalk dust, then dragged them under the plane the whole way. But I'm here, in the mountains, driving my rented Chevy Equinox and preparing to fast tomorrow in solidarity with my father who is getting a colonoscopy on Wednesday. I'll be sure to post pictures.
Actually, I will be trying to take some pictures of the local flair that makes this place so outrageously retarded.
Stay tuned, kids.
Huzzah.
This first part is just a stream of consciousness rant. Feel free to skip to...
35,000 feet above what I'm going to presume is Michigan on the first leg of a trip to see my parents for a week then a few days in my future home of Texas, I'm trying to pretend that the tiny tray on the jam packed tiny plane I'm on is big enough to open my laptop and hammer out a blog post. But it isn't. I'm so cramped that I'm having to constantly type and retype almost every word. That and after deadlifting yesterday my back is too tight for me to get comfortable in the seat. I'm being pretty generous here, it's not like I'm some super powerlifter. More likely there is no way any normal shaped person could be comfortable in these iron-flat-ass seats with the concave backing to give the illusion that you have some room. Although, it's particularly bad here since I ended up on a tiny plane with some particularly freakishly tall and/or fat people. A whole collection of Herman Munster's and Ralphie May's. Is it indecent to ask that if you're booking your flight online that you put your size info in and that will be a factor so they don't put too many ginormous people on one flight? I mean we've already give up so many personal freedoms (along with our dignity) when we go through TSA. It instills almost no faith in the administration that is in place to provide safety for travelers when, as you stand there waiting for your three different bins so you can grab your belongings, the TSA agent manning the X-Ray guffaws to his coworker that when he tried to move the monitor he accidentally hit the power button and turned it of "haw-haw-haw!" Oh, we have good times humiliating people for a living...
[The bell to turn off all electronic devices goes off here, it picks up after I make my connection]
Squeezing onto a Canadair Regional Jet with some more abnormally large people the guy sitting next to me in 9-A said, "This jet is Canada's revenge against the U.S."
I just smiled and said "yeah," because I didn't know how else to react. Now, several hours later, I have no idea what the hell he meant. Canada's revenge against us? For what? For having a more temperate climate? Then getting up to let the guy next to me get out, I clock myself on the bulkhead. It was really loud and embarrassing and the guy a row back said "watch your head" after I did it. I didn't want to make waves so I just let out a stifled "thanks" through clenched teeth. How clever, I will watch my head NOW THAT I KNOW IT'S CAPABLE OF SMASHING INTO THE CARRY-ON STORAGE.
After hours on the tarmac and many gallons of gooey green wing de-icer I stepped off the plane into 68 degrees of humid Tennesse warmth to find that the TSA befouled my bags with what looks like fluorescent green chalk dust, then dragged them under the plane the whole way. But I'm here, in the mountains, driving my rented Chevy Equinox and preparing to fast tomorrow in solidarity with my father who is getting a colonoscopy on Wednesday. I'll be sure to post pictures.
Actually, I will be trying to take some pictures of the local flair that makes this place so outrageously retarded.
Stay tuned, kids.
Huzzah.
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