Sweet jumpin' Jehu, have any of you seen this illuminating article from the Washington Post? It's a real gasser!

Apparently if you're planning on flying back and forth from the U.S. to the E.U., you will be subject to a kind of "This is your life" personal data sharing program between the TSA and whatever their equally useless European counterparts are called. What information will they be allowed to interchange? Information...

about a person's race, ethnicity, religion and health. [including...]"racial or ethnic origin, political opinions, religious or philosophical beliefs, trade union membership" and data about an individual's health, traveling partners and sexual orientation.

Oh yes. But wait, you may be saying, how will they gather this information? Good question. Apparently...

Airlines do not usually gather such data, but officials say it could wind up in passenger files as a result of requests for special services such as wheelchairs, or through routine questioning by airline personnel and travel agents about contacts, lodging, next of kin and traveling companions. Even a request for a king-size bed at a hotel could be noted in the database.

So if your travel agent starts asking a lot of paranoid personal questions, now you know why. They're officially interrogating you in the name of safety!

Let's run down the list, shall we?

Race: Okay, profiling this is nothing new. If you're not of middle-eastern descent, or don't look like Metallica's James Hetfield,(scroll down until you see Metallica) you should be okay.

Ethnicity: Same sitch as race.

Religion: Radical Fundamental Muslim = Bad, Radical Fundamental Evangelical = Extra bag of peanuts (to share with the holy spirit)!

Health: I'm not sure which direction they'd prefer. Too healthy may mean that you may be a terrorist, and too fat may mean that you're from Iowa. I guess. Who knows?

Traveling partners: Who knows, maybe the person you think is your friend going on that ski trip has ties to evil-doers. You never can tell these days.

Sexual orientation: Whaaa Thaaaa Fuuuuh? Seriously? So are you inferring that a lesbian can't be a terrorist? I would expect that from a typical MAN like you.

And then there's the request for the King Size Bed. Who what on the who now? I must know A) What that has to do with the likelihood of being a terrorist and 2) How this information will be transferred across the ocean? "Watch out there Reginald, we've got a flight chock-full of lesbians in wheelchairs requesting California King sized beds at the Stratford-upon-Avon Holiday Inn hostel coming your way. Be on guard!"

Frightening Undead Ghoul and Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff
wants to rummage around in your private things and settle his "gut feelings."
(AP Photo)

Are we serious here, kids? Why does the TSA need to know any of this shit? For the most part they're just douchebags whose sole purpose it is to glare at you and throw away your carry-on shampoo. Oh... and make you feel safe. Which they shouldn't really be doing since numerous reports have concluded that the only thing the TSA is effective at is humiliating the flying public. It should be noted that they do a bang-up job of that, though.

That's all for now kids. I need to go apply for my RFID chip-encoded passport. Hopefully I'm unhealthy enough to pass through the crackerjack scrutiny of the TSA. Huzzah, kiddies.