What's this? A Manic Tuesday?
It's
a promotional desktop for the Billy McGuigan album
Billy as Billy from his site.
Yes, international recognized actor and blah blah
blah. Wow. It boggles the mind. Those of you who
know me know the backstory. Those who don't will
just have to ask. Since I'm in the minority of
people not having a crappy Tuesday, I'm not about
to ruin it by digging up that old chestnut.
Let's
find some good things to focus on so the good people
of Omaha can shed the funk:
Apple had record profits this
quarter.
Like net $904 million. They somehow managed to
struggle to a huge jump from their last big
quarter despite me, tastemaker and trendspotter
that I am, not buying an iPhone. For a while there
I was pretty glad since the 1.1.1 firmware update
seemed to f'up a number of phones. And as
illogical as it may seem, apparently a complete
wipe of the phone by your resident Apple Genius
Bar attendant manages to put right what went
wrong. Or so it would seem for the moment. Ah! New
technology!
Unless you're a complete fanboy (like me) or have
apple stock (unlike me) this news probably doesn't
brighten your day all that much, I suppose.
It's not often that we get Nobel Peace Prize winners
in Omaha. Particularly not of the caliber of
Bishop Desmond Tutu.
But he was in town, nonetheless. He was spreading
the word of peace, which is always nice. And he
was spitting more girl power than a Spice Girls
album. A direct quote:
"Women ought to say to men, 'Hey guys, we've given you all of this time. Look at the mess you've made of the world. Get out of the way. Let us women take over."
Groovy. I'm totally fine with the women taking over. Although please don't take that as a part and parcel endorsement of Hillary just yet. I'm going to hold my breath until the last minute to see if Gore pulls an 11th hour surprise.
And the final reason to be happy: Hardee's recently unveiled a 920 calorie breakfast burrito-monstrosity. The Country Breakfast Burrito contains two omelet's worth of eggs plus hash browns, gravy, sausage, cheese (naturally) and probably just a big squirt of rendered cow lard because who gives a fuck at this point?
AP
Photo
Fans of Hardee's Monster Thickburger
(1,400
calories, FYI) now have a breakfast option as they
try to cram 6,000 calories into three daily meals.
So if you're a sedentary ham-beast looking for a
new way to let your manboobs melt into your
couch cushions
then
you've finally got an "on the go" breakfast
option. But who are you kidding? When was the last
time you were "on the go" anywhere but the
bathroom?
I
did a little research on this and found that the
average "The Bomb" QuikTrip convenience store-brand
beef & bean burrito actually has 940 calories if
you eat the whole thing. It's listed as two servings
per burrito at roughly 470 calories per serving, most
of which are from fat. Because people so frequently
split gas station burritos with a friend. So Hardee's
didn't really re-invent the wheel here. They just
said "hey, what if we put two whole country
breakfasts and wrapped them up in a tortilla?" Above
you see the answer to that question.
Aren't you glad they asked?
If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go barf now.
Cheer up, everybody.
Huzzah