The All New DC Blitz
Taking the headline-grabbing snark of the Hollywood Blitz and reworking it for politics, including a peppy new intro theme assembled by Pat & JT's crack producer Tommy O set to the tune of Sweet's 1970's classic rocker "Ballroom Blitz." Those of you younger than I, and that's probably most, will recall that song better as one of the tunes performed by Tia Carrere's character and her band in Wayne's World. Arguably, the Sweet version is better.
(You can download the podcast of the show including the DC Blitz here. Look for the show from 8/30/07.)
Nonetheless, here's my notes from this morning's edition, in case you missed it. Please keep in mind that this is written in my on-air shorthand.
DC Blitz
Condi wants to see the quality Bling
Washington Post reporter Glenn Kessler has a book coming out about Condoleeza Rice that will have all the sheen of a Kitty Kelly tell-all. It includes a passage where Condi comes unglued on a jewelry counter rep who back-sassed her. Saying (basically) that the rep was poor and she was wealthy and she should be shown the “good” jewelry. Finally, something she’s competent at, berating minimum wage employees!A Hot Car for a Hot Karl
According to politico.com, Karl Rove’s Jaguar was wrapped multiple times in industrial saran wrap, stuffed with eagles and someone put an “Obama 08” bumper sticker on the windshield. Who would perpetrate such a heinous act on the Turd Blossom’s car? Why his White House staffers who will miss his “puckish behavior” in meetings and, of course, his “eating of live human babies” to stay so completely diabolically evil.In case you missed it...
ALLEGEDLY: Fidel Castro may or may not still be dead. His brother, Raul Castro, will most likely keep that vivacious revolution going... at least until he kicks as well. The rumors prompted the College Republicans at Harvard to suggest making Fidel Piñatas and a pitcher of Cuba Libres in a note that was sent around to the club, according to the National Examiner. Fortunately one club member came to his senses long enough to say: “I have a feeling that abusing effigies will not very effectively convey the kindlier, gentler, big-tent image that the Republican Club is trying to [create].” (And I thought neo-cons hated institutes of higher learning!?!)He’s standing his ground with a “wide stance”
SCANDAL WATCH: When will Idaho Senator Larry Craig resign in light of his recent Minnesota airport bathroom under-stall booty call? Seeing as how he’s a guy who would normally probably love having guys pile on him, in this instance he’s probably not too into it since they’re only metaphorically piling on -- in demanding his resignation. GOP Rep. Pete Hoekstra, John McCain, and Norm Coleman so far have called for his resignation. Mitt Romney didn’t ask for it outright but did refer to Craig as “disgusting” which doesn’t bode well, and he has already withdrawn from four Senate Committees he was on. But hey, Alberto Gonzalez hung around until literally nobody in D.C. except of course the prez could stand him anymore, so Larry could be there for a while.In related news... When Tucker Carlson was discussing the Larry Craig situation on his MSNBC show night-before-last he confessed to being attacked in a men’s room for some unsolicited man-love, but the advances were brutally rebuffed and Tucker returned with a friend 20 minutes later to beat the guy up. (Personally I don’t know why someone would assume a pie-faced youngster in a bow tie named Tucker would be gay... but nonetheless...). This admission caused quite an uproar in the blogger community. Apparently both of Tucker’s viewers were very upset.*
*This isn’t merely just a mean-spirited joke, Tucker is the least watched program in that time-slot. Seriously, more people watch the Ronco Electric Food Dehydrator infomercial re-run on PAX rather than him. He’s JUST THAT GOOD!
And that is more or less how it went out on the air.
So I offer a recap for those who think I might be leaning hard on GOP scandals of late.
Here's a list of just the most prominent GOP scandals of the last 11 months:
Sen. Larry Craig (R-ID) - Busted for soliciting anonymous gay bathroom sex. He has a wife and kids, btw.
Sen. David Vitter (R-LA) - On the D.C. Madam's call list. Likes to be in diapers. Has a wife and kids, btw.
Glenn Murphy Jr. - chairman of the Young Republican National Federation. Caught giving an unsolicited blowjob to a friend's passed out brother. Was busted for the same thing in the past.
Pastor Ted Haggard - Former leader of the Evangelical Church. You know the story: Meth, gay hookers, etc. He's totally cured now, thankfully. Wife and kids, of course.
Coy C. Privette - Christian Action League president and North Carolina Republican lawmaker. Busted at a motel with a sex worker.
Mark Foley - Dishonored congressman. Creepy lecherous fan of Instant Messaging. Was a Republican despite Fox News "mistakingly" reporting him as a Dem when the story broke.
Rep. Bob Allen - Offered $20 to GIVE a blow job to a black undercover cop. He claimed it wasn't because he was trolling for gay sex, it's because he was afraid of black people. And apparently it's common knowledge that the only way to disarm a black man is with a $20 and a very convincing blowjob. Ironically, the only universe where this statement is true is in the fantasy world of hardcore gay pornos.
That's JUST THE HIGHLIGHTS of the last 11 months of GOP debauchery.
Any scandal of size from the left in the last 11? Yeah, of course. Louisiana Dem. William Jefferson had the $90K of wrapped cash in his freezer, which definitely wasn't cool. I'm not saying the left is immune. Of course not. But the right certainly does wave the flag of family values and moral responsibility. Is this what they mean by that? Hypocrisy is truly the ruling elite's greatest luxury.
That's all for now kids.
Huzzah.