On my last night in Tennessee I had an opportunity to visit the As Seen On TV Store (AKA Golden Eagle) that was mentioned previously in this blog and on the Weisenheimers Blogaverse. Well, I went back to take more pictures of the land of the misfit products. I'm also going to throw in whatever iPhone camera remnants happen to fall out.

On with the freak show!

Hey, remember me? That's right, it's your old pal the Rotating Display Case of Poorly Designed Redneck Bumper Stickers! The eye is drawn to the "If I Had Known This I Would've Picked My Own Cotton" sticker. How could it not? But check out some of the other classics here. This is what Tom Tancredo sees when he closes his eyes. I'm a little confused by the redneck mosquito with the rebel flag wings. Is the inference that although they are parasitic to northerners somehow this gives the redneck mosquito the upper hand? Feel free to explain.

Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome the prestidigitational presentation of America's favorite magic duo, Cups & Balls! Not to be rude, but I can't really claim that my cups are magical *wink wink*.

Continuing on that theme...

Come on. They knew what they were doing. Is it safe to assume that this was a term of endearment for William "The Refrigerator" Perry? Golly I hope so.

Do people just assume that Jesus would lack good taste? Because if I were the messiah and I returned and saw someone wearing that tie, I would punch them in the fridgeballs. Also of note is the Red State v. Blue State tie. Although I have a pretty comprehensive tie collection I'm still not a fan of event-specific neckwear. Particularly election day. You have so few occasions to enjoy wearing a tie so notably ugly.

Guess what? The As Seen On TV (Golden Eagle) Gift and Souvenir store also had a food section. Of course they do!

Prior to the ugly lawsuit with the creators of Starsky & Hutch, Taste Delight brand was poised to take over the world of flavored ursine-shaped snack foods. Damnable lawyers.

In and of itself, liquid cheese sauces are without any particular novelty. What strikes me here, aside from the fact that the veggie-juggling chef appears to be made out of cheese himself, is the name. Eazee Squeeze brand. Try shoehorning seven "e"'s into two words. It's a trick. Please don't confuse this with Kraft's Easy Cheese from the previous post, or EZ Cheez, which is a popular liquid imitation cheese sauce. This is Eazee Squeeze. The cheese? it's not so easy. But the squeezin isn't just easy, it's EAZEE.

I appreciate Flying Super Hero's rippling physique and atomic-age design sensibilities, but I take issue with the fact that he couldn't come up with anything more creative than Flying Super Hero. If his ONLY super power is flying (and looking great in a full body leotard) then he's actually pretty lame. This was in a section of nothing but flying, lawsuit-inducing toys. Birds, planes, and of course... generic flying super hero.

Of course, musical disembodied dog head gumball machine in a vile sewage brown. So macabre was this toy that I completely missed the FloamBot Kit it was sitting next to. Is a gumball machine a toy? If so, what is the nature of how you play with it? Oh boy! I put in a coin and got a gumball! I know understand the importance of money! Now sing to me in your robot voice, dog head!

I heard they were getting back together! In fact, they were in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade this year. I saw just enough of it to know that there are more than a few budding "Ricky Martins" in that group, if you get my meaning. And I certainly think you do.

Looking at these funky toy photos reminded me of the last time I snapped some phone pics in the As Seen On TV Store. It was with my lovable ol' Nokia (since mutilated by Monty's Manos (the hands of destroying my phone). I never had an opportunity to post this little number, but now's my chance. And sure enough, thanks to my digital pack rat-ism, I saved it. Check it.

Something looks suspiciously familiar between "The Jazz Man" and the "Singing and Blowing G.I." At least I think that's what it says. If so, this is the worst way imaginable to support our troops. But I digress. Before he was serving our country he was blowing hot saxophone jazz... and his hands stuck that way. But hey, the Army has to make recruitment quotas.

And finally, totally unrelated to the trip, before I left town I checked out the new gallery attached to Dixie Quicks. Their "Table Scraps" display is up, and guess what I found:

The artist? Yours truly. I was sketching out some phony Eames dots patterns and overlapping 50's rhomboids around my hastily scrawled logo for DQ. And now? I'm in a gallery and my work is offered for tens of dollars. The art world is so fickle.

That does it for me. I'm hanging out in the Austin airport killing a little time as I compose this. It's going to be a weekend of house hunting and hopefully some sleep at some point. Because my ace is draggin'.

More later, kiddies.

Huzzah.