Okay, so this is the last lazy YouTube post I'll put up for a while, pinky swear.

However, you really have to wonder what these boys are going to do when they get to the Chicken Ranch. Looks like they're having a high-ol' time just a-rompin' and a-stompin' around the locker room by themselves. Ahem, uh.... yeah.


So, uh... yeah. Wow.

Yee-haw?

Tags: Texas, Faggotry, Musicals

Hey kids,

We write when we are feeling creative, we vlog when we are feeling lazy. So here:


So, here's some of the other Gas Fights mentioned above - starting with an all-Asian one... with a girl(?) That said, it's probably the most true to the original:


The Basketball guys (beware of the long intro and the one guy whose accent might be... Australian?):


BYU guys:


High School Football:


And finally, here's a couple guys who look like rednecks, yet don't seem to have a problem singing a super-gay song at karaoke (kudos for your confidence in your masculinity, fellas!):


That's all for today. Enjoy your Orange Mocha Frappucinos!
Huzzah.

Tags: Zoolander, Vlog, Gas Fight, Wham!, YouTubes

The last thing in the world I want is for this blog to turn into a rehash of what happened on the radio, but nonetheless this is worth mentioning.

So this morning I'm doing my "D.C. Blitz", a weekly recap of the stupidest things to happen in politics. One of the stories I did mentioned this study from liberal think tank the Center for Public Integrity, which sifts through the over 900 times the Bush administration lied about tying Iraq to 9/11 (something they all virulently claim they never did, natch).

It was one of my usual glib passing mentions of the banality of evil that is the Bush administration lie machine. (I'm not saying that other politicians don't lie as much. It's just most aren't this prolific and well-versed in the art of lies.)

Anyhoo... no big deal, right? Just a passing mention that was as inarticulate as it was mildly chuckleworthy.

Then I get this email from Pat:

Hey -

 You pissed someone off so much this morning that she called Mary Q, Chuck D (owners), and Rhonda (GM) directly. This lady was so furious that you said the President has said 'x' amount of lies over the years...I guess she blew a piston!
 Rhonda re-directed and shes not mad anymore and even went as far as to say that she thinks you are extremly funny!

 Pat

 
Hey. Don't blame the messenger. I'm glad you think I'm funny, but don't try to get me fired from the job I don't get paid for because you don't like my re-telling of a seemingly factual piece of data. At this point can anybody on earth seriously feign shock that GWB & Co. lie their asses off? Anyone? Seriously?

The president in a moment of quiet introspection (get it... he's a chimp! Ha ha ha ha ha!)

So once again in my storied radio career I dodge the bullet of an angry listener. They say Austin is like a whole other country. God I hope so.

Okay... so for the few of you who read this and also hear my amateurish political segment on Pat & JT, the D.C. Blitz, may be wondering what I said during the show this morning that made them hit the delay button. Here is the scenario:

Because I am inherently lazy and passed out early (11:30) last night I did not pre-script my Blitz. Normally I comb Wonkette, Politico, Raw Story, Google News [Politics], and the like for segment fodder. But last night I zonked out watching SVU, neglecting to write a thing. As I dozed off I had the misguided thought that I was clever enough to off-the-cuff today's segment by rattling off all the still-running presidential candidates and listing the reasons why they are not viable for the job of Commander in Chief.

This was an erroneous idea on my behalf. I thought of a couple zingers for a couple specific candidates, but for the most part I just kept saying something to the effect of "this one is a whack-job and that one is a koo koo muffin and this one over here is a real raisin cake." Not my best work to say the least.

A Little Technical Background:
When a radio show activates their delay, the industry slang term is "dump". Not the most pleasant wording, but that's what it is. The seven seconds that are digitally stored up in the box connecting everything in the studio to the transmitter are literally dumped out, sending the radio listener seven seconds into the past... which is actually the present.

I'll now paraphrase the conversation that was going on when my errant words caused Pat to hit the Delay Dump button:

Pat: I like Fred Thompson

Marv: You do? Why?

Pat: Because he gets things done. I mean, look at him. Just his look says he could go to Iraq and just get them straightened out with his imposing look.

Marv: Ah. I see. So being a jowly dick equates to "getting things done". I see.

Pat: Wait

JT: Wha---what. Wait.

Pat: Can we say that? Can he say that?

JT: No! He can't say that on the air.

[a tussle ensues, Pat hits the dump button, there is a rift in space/time as we plunge 7 seconds into the past]

What the listeners heard:

Marv: [Unfunny banter]

[audible hiccup]

Marv: They turned the delay on because of that?

Pat: [laughter] [unintelligible]

Marv: Kill me.

So there you go, a peek behind the curtain to see how the sausage of radio is made.

First and foremost my apologies to DC Blitz fans who I let down with my dicey unfunny blather this morning. Next week we're going back to the script. Also apologies to the listeners who were disappointed by my acquiescence to the Ron Paul caller who took umbrage at my referring to him as a whack-job. I did, however, misspeak. I meant to say that Paul's supporters are whack-jobs while he is just an frighteningly strident pseudo-Liberterian (but not in the good way) and alleged racist, and completely non-viable candidate. Had I taken the time to formulate my statement I would've been clearer that although he may be a "straight shooter" when it comes to cutting through the bureaucratic nonsense, turning America into an isolationist stronghold doesn't seem to me to be the path to freedom. But whatever. Regardless, I should never back down on a joke. Because you know what they say about listeners, give 'em an inch and they'll think they're a ruler.

I offer no apologies, however, to Fred Thompson, who is a jowly dick, both on TV and in real life. Actually he's even less appealing in real life.

A paragon of jowly dickishness, Frederick Frankenstein

Holy. Shit. Holy. Fucking. Shit.

I am having a multiple nerdgasm.

In case you missed it, because it's certainly been flying below the radar, Joel Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu, Josh "Elvis" Weinstein, TV's Frank Conniff, and Mary Jo Pehl are reuniting to make:

Yes, my children. It is the second coming of MST3K. It has been... reborn. With the original crew.

I could cry right now.

Read all the deets here.

Huzzah.

(thanks to Defamer)

No big post, but I was just hit by an idea that needed to be recorded.

Okay, so Nebraska is desperately in need of some 'zazz. Since we've lost our state slogan, "The Good Life," to a shitty indie band perhaps what we need is a hip new slogan to throw around.

So I thought about the elements of Nebraska.

We're a state of people very set in their ways. Stubborn, cranky and determined. In fact, you could say that we're Persistent.

And we're one of the few states that still has a largely agricultural economic base. We're very reliant on corn and other Vegetables.

And since the mid-1870's we've been an independent entity. (At least after we shooed all the Native Americans off the land). We are our very own State.

So that brought me to:

Nebraska: The Persistent Vegetative State!

Mull it over. Let it roll around in your mind for a while and savor the rich aroma.

Nebraskans, you're welcome.
Huzzah.

Since I've had to postpone Movie Night due to being insanely busy, I thought it would be nice if I could de-personalize and virtualize the Movie Night experience.

Well it turns out I can. It just means watching the movie all alone. Unfortunately, without the running commentary this is pretty dry. So you'll have to insert your own wacky asides.

And for those of you unaware of what Movie Night is, here's the nutshell history: Back in college I would invite loads of people to my dorm room on Thursday nights and we would watch crappy movies until the wee hours. Frequently a triple-feature, we usually did a mix of blacksploitation, 80's teen boob-comedies and weak attempts at "serious dramatic cinema" all the while wisecracking at the screen. Biting on MST3K style? Sure. But it was fun, so ease up there Mr. or Mrs. Judgemental. It was fun and brilliant and ridiculous. A few years later I resurrected the event and have been holding them sporadically in the backyard broadcast on a sheet in front of the garage. Stupid fun is what it's all about. That, and the appreciation of crap cinema.

So here's a little virtual movie night action for you all. It's the touching story of an automobile learners permit told in first person by the permit. Why not? General Motors made this back before all their cars were pretty much complete shit, so that is to say before 1982.

Update: I just found out that the Prelinger Archive embedding isn't working, so you can watch the permit movie here. Instead I'll post the horrifying Singnal 30 drivers ed movie that contains a shocking amount of "Faces of Death" style footage of real - actual - dead bodies throughout. It's pretty gruesome by 1959 standards. You've been warned. My apologies.

Enjoy.



Oh, and P.S. Keep an eye on the Movie Night page for the reschedule of the event. We may do the first ever pre-halloween not-so-scary scary movie night.

Oh Britney... oh oh oh Britney.

(LOLBrit by me. Please don't hotlink and suck up all my bandwidth)

There were plenty of big stories that went down this week. But if you want that you'll go to CNN, or if you're retarded you'll go to Fox News. Here's the stuff that stuck out to me:

Blogger and skeptic Connie Schmidt pulled back the curtain on The Secret, and subsequently got yelled at by a bunch of idiots who think that if they wish for things then magic will happen and they'll have those things. Were this true I'd be attaching a picture of my 12" thunderpenis. Note I have not attached said picture.

At the gym this week I caught a few minutes of S.O.B. (Socially Offensive Behavior), which is a show hosted by the marginally amusing D.L. Hughley that shows that white people are racist. No shit. The part I saw was hidden cameras at a job interview where people were confronted by a white-power racist asshole interviewer. Of course, most of the people went along with it and then were forced to explain themselves. Perhaps, S.O.B. producers, people are so desperate for a job that they'd be willing to put up with anything to get out of a bad situation. If any of them were trying to get out of a job with a former "voice of the Huskers" they'd probably be willing to put up with anything.

The N.S.A. would like you to know that if you dare question them, more innocent Americans will die. By principle alone, anyway. Ironically, if they relinquish their right to question it, they're not technically "Americans" anymore. Go fig.

N.B.C. is bringing back American Gladiators. Finally! I'll be able to amp up the ebay value of my autographed AG poster (no shit, pic forthcoming).

President Junior Doofus pissed off a bunch of people in Kansas City. Not for being a shitty president, they're over that already. Now they're pissed that he personally towed all their cars.

Gays love drugs. Way to reinforce a negative stereotype fellas!

Steve Jobs, the turtlenecked titan of industry, is being inducted into the California Museum for History, Women and the Arts along with a woman from the Electric Company, a serial monogamist/former actress and a guy who took pictures of trees. Finally, someone is recognizing Steve for the good things he's done.

I'm not fat, I have a virus. Whew.

The act went "horribly awry"? No shit! I would say that's an understatement.

Plastic "Designer Impostor" Dick Clark, Ryan Seacrest will be hosting the Emmys. I can't believe I rode past E! Networks building in Dave White's Mazda wonderwagon and we didn't lie in wait to run him down to save the future. But the LaBrea Tar Pits weren't going to look at themselves.

LaBrea Tar Pits: Where nobody's dreams come true.

That's what was up this week, kids. Oh, and they're tearing up the Ranch Bowl to build a Wal Mart, but you can read about that in the previous post. Take 'er easy. Huzzah.