I keep a little folder on my desktop that says "Urgent Projects" and the icon is the Incredible Hulk. (The old Lou Ferrigno one, not the new computerey one.) In that folder is another folder marked "Blog" and it's where I keep links and downloads too stupid to put on my del.icio.us account. Time to empty out the folder.

First of all was a link I found to gay-specific horoscopes. Nice. Adding an extra layer of bullshit to horoscopes by making them niche. It's basically like pet horoscopes, but more fashionable.

Then there's this horrific banner I found for sugardaddie.com:

Dating for the rich and gorgeous? The space mutant on the right masquerading as a woman better be rich, because if that's gorgeous then I no-wanna. Also, are we supposed to believe that the two photos were taken at the same time with the same camera on the same planet? That's not what happened, I assure you.

And the freak show continues:

I get that you're trying to get my attention. But this guitar-playing demon/SPORE creature, whose magical guitar spouts APR's in a disturbingly fast and poorly looped animated gif is just going to pop out of my nightmare closet at night. It's like someone crossed Dick Van Dyke in his Mary Poppins one-man-band outfit with Jon Lovitz and a booger, then poorly CG rendered it. Bleh.

Let's get political, shall we?

Methinks the FB members doth protest too much. I wasn't so much bothered by the people here who didn't ever want to have to see a gay ad ever, presumably because it provides too much temptation and they'll have to head back to the truck stop bathroom again. I was bothered, however, by the image of Jesus used to shame Facebook into caving to their demands.

Seriously if you don't want to see boobs and wieners, don't even get near the internet. The internet, as allegedly corrupt and unquestionably elderly Alaska Senator Ted Stevens will happily tell you, is a series of boobs. Something like that. And where there are boobs, there are wieners. And where there are wieners there are fans of wieners who need to know about the latest hot wiener-celebratory site. And sometimes those ads might creep onto the pages of g_d-fearing Christians who, when not petting lambs, are wolfing down Big Macs in their Excursions. Revving them up by pumping their Croc-laden-feet because the A/C isn't cooling them down enough. And when you have that much circumference your core temperature is going to be pretty high, like the molten core of Earth.

The good news is when that group reaches 144,000 members they will ascend to heaven leaving the rest of us to watch gay facebook ads as the antichrist unleashes locusts, brimstone, and a bunch of other shit from the horror section in the back of the bible.

That's all for today. Just wanted to pop something in before the end of the week.

Also, there's new Zen (click off the left). Nothing new and nothing special. But a mental pallet cleanser.

Leave some love in the comments.

Huzzah.

Tags: Internet, Bad Design, Random

This is really just cute more than anything else. Poorly implemented, but worth it for the kicker at the end.



Hats off to Google Docs for putting together something less shitty than PowerPoint in one-gazillionth of the development time that Microsoft has wasted on their soulless presentation software.

On a similar fanboy note, enjoy this article, also from Slate, about the fawning praise for Leopard.


Thanks to Slate.

I'm not going to bother to go over any more of the trip to Atlanta. Know why? It's boring to blog about. At least noticeably more boring than the request I got to blog about the accidental teabagging I got from a 70 year old guy at the gym over a lunchtime workout. However I'll spare you that one as well.

But yesterday marked a momentous occasion. Ten years ago Michael Dell, purveyor of boring Windows boxes, said that in some magical world where he were head of Apple Computers Inc. he would close the doors and give the shareholders back their money along with a heartfelt apology for being such a gigantic doucheball.

Well, Dell, how's that decade treating you?

Oh wait, I think I know:

Yeah. Not so good for Dell. 10 years of stock price statistics don't lie. Maybe it's iPod "halo effect", maybe it's perceived "elite" status that comes from owning an Apple machine, maybe... whatever. Doesn't matter. Dell had their chance. They made an mp3 player (remember the Dell DJ? No? Neither does anyone else), yet they suffered no halo effect. Maybe they just got wrong what so many others continue to fumble. People want a pleasant computing experience. Back in '98 Steve Jobs was still sorting out the master plan for Apple. Things were still in pretty dire straits. He had his magic man Jonathan Ive in place and the cute gumdrop iMacs, but he was still sorting out the tasty treats to come. And he did, with a vengeance.

When I held my first iPod, one of the first ones in Nebraska I venture to guess, I remember thinking to myself that this gizmo is going to change the way things happen.

Fuck yeah it did.

So, Michael Dell, suck it.
And Ted Waitt can help you suck it. And he didn't do shit to Steve Jobs. It shows you what a spiteful a-hole I really am.

Enjoy, kiddies.
Huzzah

(Thanks to Gizmodo for the heads up)

Sorry it's been so quiet this week, kids. Been super busy with the upcoming out-of-town conference. I feel like such a grown up, going on a business trip.

Anyway, despite the mountain of work sitting in front of me, I need to make mention of this: Gateway Computers announced/released their new all in one computer this week. Surely you remember Gateway Computers. They're the ones with the cows, because their factory is in South Dakota er... Irvine, California where there's lots of Dalmatians(?). Jog your memory? They had a bunch of retail locations, but people didn't want to drive to a special location to purchase an overpriced and poorly assembled computer. Or a flat-screen TV, which they tried to sell when the computers weren't moving. Anyway... you remember.

So check out their new all in one. The unimaginatively named "One":

Interesting. It looks somewhat familiar, yet slightly dated. I can't put my finger on where I've seen that before... oh wait:

There it is. It's like a totally sloppy and poorly ripped-off photo-negative version of the previous edition of the iMac with some shades of the 20th Anniversary Mac (insofar as it's stationary and has no tilt/swivel capabilities).

Why, Gateway? Why must you suck so much? Just an uglier and shittier Dell. I know I rant about Mac superiority, but this shows that Gateway isn't even trying anymore. It's brazen yet thoughtless. It's what a Bricklin is to a Ferrari. Shameful.

But unless you think you need to do a little Mac-hatin' to even things out, check this link to Valleywag's cute little piece about what the world would be like if everything were sold like iTunes. Haters keep on hatin'. Enjoy your Napster, or whatever it is that you use.

More later, kiddies.
Huzzah.