This previous Friday night I found myself in need of relief. Not to be indelicate, but anyone who knows me is painfully aware that I'm a Diet Coke pig. I chug it. It is my weakness. That said, any night on the town can be filled with more than a couple visits to the porcelain convenience. Early in the evening I found myself at a bar frequented by rugby toughs called "Nasty's" on Guadalupe. It's a charming establishment with a good selection of microbrews on tap and dusty panties, bras, and... I think they were boxer briefs... hanging from the ceiling. Once it was time to "break the seal" as my euphemistically-inclined friends would say, I headed off to the men's room.

Now I'm not one of those "bashful bladder" types. I have used urinal troughs standing crowded shoulder-to-shoulder with the meanest of hombres. But allow me to tell you right now: there is no way in hell I was using this bathroom. None. It was essentially a black-painted cubicle with a porcelain bowl that you think is a hallway until you realize, nope: that's the men's room.

I'll skip the graphic over-description and get to the meat of the story (foreshadowing!). A member of what is fast becoming my Austin "runnin' crew" suggested that we adjourn to Ruby's BBQ for a post-Nasty's repast. I agreed if for no other reason than to use a bathroom that at least didn't appear to be out of a third world prison.

To my delight, Ruby's (which has very tasty BBQ, by the way) also has a men's room adorned with some of the most delightful found-art sharpie-drawn insanity that I've seen in a bathroom in ages. With iPhone in hand, I snapped a few choice images for you to enjoy here. Salud!



I would love to know how this drawing got started. Just a circle around a dot? Was it just one person who drew the crude "W" and then adorned it with bristling hairs? As a collaborative art project, "Dongs & Ballz" is a resounding success.

BTW, to any of those reading who are not intimately familiar with the male anatomy, it should not look like this. And if you happen upon some that do look like this, back away slowly.



You see... one does not own the chili. One merely rents it.

But for those of you who miss the nuance, there's a Cliff's Notes version beneath.



What candidate would a poorly-rendered legless Warner Brothers cartoon character endorse? The choice is obvious, don't you think?

Unfortunately, Wile E. Coyote is a superdelegate who has already backed Barack.



Somewhere out there a guy named Glen is thrilled that this masterful piece of prose can finally be enjoyed on the internet, where other guys named Glen who read it can stumble drunk into the bathrooms of their local BBQ drinking establishments and write it themselves. All of this made me wonder, however, why do so many guys go to the bathroom with a permanent magic markers?



This is the logo of my new favorite band. I don't know if they are a band, but I want to believe they are, because the logo is that awesome.

Actually, there is a band here in austin called Girl Fart, which is surprisingly poppy (read again" POP-py"), however they have named themselves in such a way that almost assures they will receive no radio play.



Sure, the request is whimsical, but it's also a little romantic.

Why don't we just go to a Sandals resort instead? It's basically the same thing.



For those having a hard time reading drunken nerd scribbles, this reads: Cthulu/Shoggoth '08, Why vote for the lesser of two evils?

In case you're not familiar, Cthulu and Shoggoth are characters from H.P. Lovecrafts Cthulu Mythos, which is some high-end mid century sci-fi literary nerdishness. Just the kind of thing I would expect in a restaurant bathroom on the edge of a college campus. If this were in a bathroom of a truck stop in central Kansas I'd be worried. It should be noted that in ball point beneath this political ad are the words "Fuckin Funny." I second that emotion, good sir.

For the record, I, too, would rather have the giant and evil Cthulu for president than John McCain.

To recap, if you're near 32nd and Guadalupe and want some good BBQ paired with some of the most entertaining bathroom reading available, stop into Ruby's and enjoy.

That's all for the weekend, kiddies.

Huzzah.

Tags: Eating Out, Austin, Photoblog, Toilet Humor, Texas

Evidently in Virginia Beach it is illegal to display a narrow wedge of top-ass. [Full Story] Yes, folks, fascism has arrived in that most banal of places, an Abercombie at Lynnhaven Mall. The manager of said Abercrombie was facing $2000 in fines and up to a year in jail for displaying this saucy number in the window of his store:

Yes, this dirty dirty, nearly Mapplethorpe-ian photo of a bunch of sexy young people frolicking (as they so often do, or so I'm told) with their pants falling off. See that kid in the front, why you can practically give him a full proctological exam. It's a scandal!

Fortunately, Virginia Police decided to drop the charges. Hopefully because they realized that this whole thing is fucking stupid. But still I'm left with a few questions:

1) Are there no plumbers in VA Beach? Are there no gangstas with jeans sagging to mid-crotch and boxers 3 sizes too big?

2) What exactly is the specific "threat" to "juveniles" that the above picture causes? Will they discover their own asses? Does this picture flagrantly promote the unhealthy act of being sexy and black & white in a meadow while jogging? The only thing this this picture is going to do is the same thing Abercrombie imagery has been doing for years and years, making gay kids realize what they already know and let closeted frat boys pretend they just like the clothes.

3) You know where the real problem is? The VA Beach PD/County Attorney/City Council, that already have such a tremendously good view of asses (their own, from the inside) that they would pursue this as an issue in the first place. I hope to hell that there is not a Victoria's Secret in this mall, and if there is, I hope they have to shutter their windows so that kids walking by are never exposed to anything even remotely sexualized. That way they can be cloistered and rife with body-shame for the rest of their lives. Oop, I just checked (thanks internet) and they do have a Victoria's on the lower level near Dillard's. I guess they must just sell housecoats and robes at that one, eh?

Seriously, people. Stop being so sex-negative. And to balance my rage: Kids, pull your damned pants up, you look stupid. Unless you look like these youngsters and are frolicking. If so, then stop teasing, drop trou and give us a real show.

That is all.

Huzzah

The last thing in the world I want is for this blog to turn into a rehash of what happened on the radio, but nonetheless this is worth mentioning.

So this morning I'm doing my "D.C. Blitz", a weekly recap of the stupidest things to happen in politics. One of the stories I did mentioned this study from liberal think tank the Center for Public Integrity, which sifts through the over 900 times the Bush administration lied about tying Iraq to 9/11 (something they all virulently claim they never did, natch).

It was one of my usual glib passing mentions of the banality of evil that is the Bush administration lie machine. (I'm not saying that other politicians don't lie as much. It's just most aren't this prolific and well-versed in the art of lies.)

Anyhoo... no big deal, right? Just a passing mention that was as inarticulate as it was mildly chuckleworthy.

Then I get this email from Pat:

Hey -

 You pissed someone off so much this morning that she called Mary Q, Chuck D (owners), and Rhonda (GM) directly. This lady was so furious that you said the President has said 'x' amount of lies over the years...I guess she blew a piston!
 Rhonda re-directed and shes not mad anymore and even went as far as to say that she thinks you are extremly funny!

 Pat

 
Hey. Don't blame the messenger. I'm glad you think I'm funny, but don't try to get me fired from the job I don't get paid for because you don't like my re-telling of a seemingly factual piece of data. At this point can anybody on earth seriously feign shock that GWB & Co. lie their asses off? Anyone? Seriously?

The president in a moment of quiet introspection (get it... he's a chimp! Ha ha ha ha ha!)

So once again in my storied radio career I dodge the bullet of an angry listener. They say Austin is like a whole other country. God I hope so.

This morning on Pat & JT after doing my stupid little ranty DC Blitz, which you can hear an excerpt from here (it's about halfway through), a caller asked why I "hate" so much. The caller "Eric" asked this question after perusing my myspace and then this blog. Why, dear caller, do I hate so much? Ask my therapist or decode my DNA. I have no idea. It's just who I am.

In case you missed today's DC Blitz, here are my notes. Unexpurgated and with my own notes and timing, typos and all, so please forgive that. Also no links, but as usual you can find most of these stories like I did on Wonkette, Politico, Raw Story, etc. etc.

News Corp., the company that brought you Sean Hannity’s impermeable hairdo and popularized the concept of the embedded news-bimbo, has announced the launch of their very own all business news channel: the creatively named Fox Business. So now the company that takes jingoism and being a mouthpiece for the uninformed right to a whole new level can now spend 24 hours a day telling you how the crappy economy is somehow Bill Clinton’s fault. Among the dubious collection of contributors Fox Business has hired, the most insane is former HP Co-Chief Executive Carly Fiorina. Carly is no stranger to business. In fact from 1999 to 2005 Carly lead the buyout/merger of Compaq and took the once revered name of Hewlett Packard as a company known for innovation and milked it like a cash cow. Shares of HP lost 63% of their value while she was at the helm, and stock has more than doubled since she was fired in 2005, to give you an idea of how much she was loved as a corporate leader. Now she’ll be offering business news on Fox! Good Job, Rupert. You picked another winner.

Speaking of Sean Hannity’s helmet-hair and the frighteningly melting man Alan Colmes, being forced to watch FNC at the gym this week I caught another classic Hannity straw man argument where he had someone on to scream about Al Gore being considered for a Nobel Prize because of his work raising awareness about global warming. The closed captioning wasn’t on, so I just had to watch the Fox news bobbing heads mouth the words “how ridiculous” and “Nobel Prize is a sham” etc. This was made even more poignant by an AP story that was brought to my attention. From yesterday’s AP: An upcoming report by the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change will contain new data showing that the level of climate-changing gases in the atmosphere has already reached critical levels, levels scientists weren’t expecting for another decade. Why so many greenhouse gasses? I don’t know. It must be Clinton’s fault.

In case you missed it, this last week President Commander-Guy vetoed SCHIP, the program that offers free health care to eligible children. This is all part of “W”’s aggressive new “No Child Left Standing” initiative that intends to offer a little tough love to America’s Kids by suggesting that they just tough it out through any illness like chicken pox, broken bones or meningitis. Remember the battle cry of the modern neo-conservative Tax Cuts for wealthy individuals and corporations = good, health care for children = bad. Win another one for family values.

Blitz & Pieces

Today, October 11, is national coming out day, and in just two days Idaho Senator and Minnesota Airport Bathroom sex-goblin Larry Craig will be inducted into the Idaho hall of fame. Coincidence? Or does the Idaho Hall of Fame Association just not follow the news? That’s like George Michael winning some type of award from the California Parks and Recreation service. Craig, as you will remember, promised to resign on September 30th if a judge would overturn his guilty plea. The judge didn’t, but Larry changed his mind. But I guess this wouldn’t be the first time he went both ways on a decision ... Never let it be said that the Bush administration isn’t really proactive. Prior to the announcement noted earlier in the Blitz about the Greenhouse Gas emissions report, Sec. of State Condoleeza Rice challenged the world’s biggest polluters a couple weeks ago to "cut the Gordian knot of fossil fuels" and [shift] toward energy sources that will reduce global warming. Most of the people she was addressing had trouble hearing her, however, of the sound of her motorcade of Hummers that were revving up just to hear that sweet sound of internal combustion engines roar ... last night Hillary Clinton got the music industry endorsement that is bound to put her over the top. The Goo Goo Dolls played a fundraiser for her. So, yeah... Goo Goo Dolls...

Yer Blitzed!

Hope you enjoy, or enjoyed, or whatever.

See you tomorrow night at the Weisenheimers exhibition at the Big Ha! If you want to come. If not... whatever, dude. It's your life.

Time for another political weekly roundup. I should've done it on Friday, but busy busy busy (see below).

Let's kick off with yet another spectacular Special Comment from Keith Olbermann (From Thursday's Countdown on MSNBC):



There you have it.

Here's the copy from this week's DC Blitz, in case you missed it on Pat & JT on Friday. It's normally on Thursday, but the Jeep broke and I was vehicle-less.
This contains my notes and is unadulterated in any way. So when you see things like "(pause)" that's where I pause for comedic effect. It rarely works. Do you really want to see how sausage is made?
(As usual, special DC Blitz thanks to Wonkette, Politico, The Raw Story & The Huffington Post)

DC Blitz

Condi gets kicked to the curb by the Pope
Pope Benedict the X-V-I turned down a request by Condoleeza Rice when she asked nicely for a papal audience during Pope Benny’s holiday in his Castelgandolfo residence near Rome. Hmmm... Was it because he sent a special Papal Envoy to the Bush administration in 2003 admonishing the immorality of the then-proposed Iraqi invasion? Was it because His Holiness was P.O.’ed at the way Iraqi Christians are treated under the new Iraqi constitution? Uh... Maaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyybe. [BBC]

Early Fall Vacation Destination!
According to twincities.com, the hottest midwest vacation destination is... the “Larry Craig” bathroom. People are evidently taking pictures of the famed stall. If you visit, it’s by the lottery shop next to the shoeshine stand in the Minneapolis airport, second stall from the right. Next time you’re connecting through and have a few minutes, swing by and see where America’s favorite Senatorial Sex Troll ruined his career. But remember, no foot-tapping.

Strange Differences
Speaking of Larry...When Louisiana Senator David Vitter, he of the DC Madam call list, returned to the Republican weekly policy meeting after confessing his prostitutional consort he was greeted by a round of welcoming applause by his peers. When Larry Craig pulled the old “I’m back” suprise-a-rino this week. Well, the vibe in the room was more like “aaaaaawk-ward!” So remember future GOP politicians, prostitutes = okay, a consensual, if sleazy, trip to the lavender park... no no no!

Oh, Ernie!
Nebraska State Senator Ernie Chambers this week announced he is suing God. He claims it’s to make a point about frivolous lawsuits, but frankly... I hope he’s successful. I think we’re talking class-action lawsuit here and I want in. Here’s my personal message to Ernie Chambers: See you in hell, buddy! I’ll be the one roasting for all my rampant onanism.

Sounds like Boo-KAY-see
In a somewhat surprising announcement this week, President Decider Comander-guy selected retired judge Michael Mukasey to replace habitual incompetent Alberto Gonzales for the position of Attorney General. The wonks around DC were hanging on to the idea that Bush would nominate rabid ultraconservative law-twister Ted Olsen, but for whatever reason the president chose someone who might actually stand a chance of being competent at the job. And before all the lefties start high-fiving, let’s keep in mind that Mukasey, who is likely to get the nod from the Senate, is a big fan of the Patriot Act. So if you have anything nice to say about him, just say it in a regular phone call... because the line is probably being tapped by the government.

Blitz & Pieces
Alan Keyes announced he’s running for President... again. This news was greeted by a nation that collectively shrugged silently, then turned back to their bag of cheetos and NASCAR race. ... Apparently there was a “Values Voters” Debate last week, but Mitt Romney, Rudy Giuliani, John McCain and Fred Thompson didn’t show up, so Mike Huckabee won. I hope he savored the moment because it’s unlikely he’ll hear that phrase ever again. Finally... CREW released their report of the 22 most corrupt members of congress, you can read all about it at beyonddelay.com, and lest you think I’m totally biased, I’m happy to mention that a whole 4 of them are Democrats.* ... The Gull Meadow Corn Maze in Richland, MI this year is in the shape of Gerald Ford’s head. (visit gullmeadowfarms.com if you don’t believe me) For anyone listening under 35, Gerald Ford was the 38th president of the U.S. known for falling down a lot and pardoning Richard Nixon: and despite this distinction he was still a better president than the current one.

*(William Jefferson[LA], the money in the freezer guy; Alan Mollohan[WV]; John Murtha[PA]; and David Scott[GA])

And finally, the must-read link of the week. Author and provocateur Douglas Rushkoff wrote a spectacular piece for Arthur magazine this week on why 9/11 conspiracy theorists do much more harm than good. I'm usually too quick on the draw when it comes to breaking out the tinfoil hat, but this piece resonates with the kind of critical thought that's too often lacking in modern discourse.

That's all for today, kids.

Huzzah

This morning marked the first installment of my new segment on Pat & JT: The DC Blitz.

Taking the headline-grabbing snark of the Hollywood Blitz and reworking it for politics, including a peppy new intro theme assembled by Pat & JT's crack producer Tommy O set to the tune of Sweet's 1970's classic rocker "Ballroom Blitz." Those of you younger than I, and that's probably most, will recall that song better as one of the tunes performed by Tia Carrere's character and her band in Wayne's World. Arguably, the Sweet version is better.

(You can download the podcast of the show including the DC Blitz here. Look for the show from 8/30/07.)

Nonetheless, here's my notes from this morning's edition, in case you missed it. Please keep in mind that this is written in my on-air shorthand.

DC Blitz

Condi wants to see the quality Bling
Washington Post reporter Glenn Kessler has a book coming out about Condoleeza Rice that will have all the sheen of a Kitty Kelly tell-all. It includes a passage where Condi comes unglued on a jewelry counter rep who back-sassed her. Saying (basically) that the rep was poor and she was wealthy and she should be shown the “good” jewelry. Finally, something she’s competent at, berating minimum wage employees!

A Hot Car for a Hot Karl
According to politico.com, Karl Rove’s Jaguar was wrapped multiple times in industrial saran wrap, stuffed with eagles and someone put an “Obama 08” bumper sticker on the windshield. Who would perpetrate such a heinous act on the Turd Blossom’s car? Why his White House staffers who will miss his “puckish behavior” in meetings and, of course, his “eating of live human babies” to stay so completely diabolically evil.

In case you missed it...
ALLEGEDLY: Fidel Castro may or may not still be dead. His brother, Raul Castro, will most likely keep that vivacious revolution going... at least until he kicks as well. The rumors prompted the College Republicans at Harvard to suggest making Fidel Piñatas and a pitcher of Cuba Libres in a note that was sent around to the club, according to the National Examiner. Fortunately one club member came to his senses long enough to say: “I have a feeling that abusing effigies will not very effectively convey the kindlier, gentler, big-tent image that the Republican Club is trying to [create].” (And I thought neo-cons hated institutes of higher learning!?!)

He’s standing his ground with a “wide stance”
SCANDAL WATCH: When will Idaho Senator Larry Craig resign in light of his recent Minnesota airport bathroom under-stall booty call? Seeing as how he’s a guy who would normally probably love having guys pile on him, in this instance he’s probably not too into it since they’re only metaphorically piling on -- in demanding his resignation. GOP Rep. Pete Hoekstra, John McCain, and Norm Coleman so far have called for his resignation. Mitt Romney didn’t ask for it outright but did refer to Craig as “disgusting” which doesn’t bode well, and he has already withdrawn from four Senate Committees he was on. But hey, Alberto Gonzalez hung around until literally nobody in D.C. except of course the prez could stand him anymore, so Larry could be there for a while.

In related news... When Tucker Carlson was discussing the Larry Craig situation on his MSNBC show night-before-last he confessed to being attacked in a men’s room for some unsolicited man-love, but the advances were brutally rebuffed and Tucker returned with a friend 20 minutes later to beat the guy up. (Personally I don’t know why someone would assume a pie-faced youngster in a bow tie named Tucker would be gay... but nonetheless...). This admission caused quite an uproar in the blogger community. Apparently both of Tucker’s viewers were very upset.*

*This isn’t merely just a mean-spirited joke, Tucker is the least watched program in that time-slot. Seriously, more people watch the Ronco Electric Food Dehydrator infomercial re-run on PAX rather than him. He’s JUST THAT GOOD!

And that is more or less how it went out on the air.

So I offer a recap for those who think I might be leaning hard on GOP scandals of late.

Here's a list of just the most prominent GOP scandals of the last 11 months:

Sen. Larry Craig (R-ID) - Busted for soliciting anonymous gay bathroom sex. He has a wife and kids, btw.
Sen. David Vitter (R-LA) - On the D.C. Madam's call list. Likes to be in diapers. Has a wife and kids, btw.
Glenn Murphy Jr. - chairman of the Young Republican National Federation. Caught giving an unsolicited blowjob to a friend's passed out brother. Was busted for the same thing in the past.
Pastor Ted Haggard - Former leader of the Evangelical Church. You know the story: Meth, gay hookers, etc. He's totally cured now, thankfully. Wife and kids, of course.
Coy C. Privette - Christian Action League president and North Carolina Republican lawmaker. Busted at a motel with a sex worker.
Mark Foley - Dishonored congressman. Creepy lecherous fan of Instant Messaging. Was a Republican despite Fox News "mistakingly" reporting him as a Dem when the story broke.
Rep. Bob Allen - Offered $20 to GIVE a blow job to a black undercover cop. He claimed it wasn't because he was trolling for gay sex, it's because he was afraid of black people. And apparently it's common knowledge that the only way to disarm a black man is with a $20 and a very convincing blowjob. Ironically, the only universe where this statement is true is in the fantasy world of hardcore gay pornos.

That's JUST THE HIGHLIGHTS of the last 11 months of GOP debauchery.

Any scandal of size from the left in the last 11? Yeah, of course. Louisiana Dem. William Jefferson had the $90K of wrapped cash in his freezer, which definitely wasn't cool. I'm not saying the left is immune. Of course not. But the right certainly does wave the flag of family values and moral responsibility. Is this what they mean by that? Hypocrisy is truly the ruling elite's greatest luxury.

That's all for now kids.
Huzzah.

There were plenty of big stories that went down this week. But if you want that you'll go to CNN, or if you're retarded you'll go to Fox News. Here's the stuff that stuck out to me:

Blogger and skeptic Connie Schmidt pulled back the curtain on The Secret, and subsequently got yelled at by a bunch of idiots who think that if they wish for things then magic will happen and they'll have those things. Were this true I'd be attaching a picture of my 12" thunderpenis. Note I have not attached said picture.

At the gym this week I caught a few minutes of S.O.B. (Socially Offensive Behavior), which is a show hosted by the marginally amusing D.L. Hughley that shows that white people are racist. No shit. The part I saw was hidden cameras at a job interview where people were confronted by a white-power racist asshole interviewer. Of course, most of the people went along with it and then were forced to explain themselves. Perhaps, S.O.B. producers, people are so desperate for a job that they'd be willing to put up with anything to get out of a bad situation. If any of them were trying to get out of a job with a former "voice of the Huskers" they'd probably be willing to put up with anything.

The N.S.A. would like you to know that if you dare question them, more innocent Americans will die. By principle alone, anyway. Ironically, if they relinquish their right to question it, they're not technically "Americans" anymore. Go fig.

N.B.C. is bringing back American Gladiators. Finally! I'll be able to amp up the ebay value of my autographed AG poster (no shit, pic forthcoming).

President Junior Doofus pissed off a bunch of people in Kansas City. Not for being a shitty president, they're over that already. Now they're pissed that he personally towed all their cars.

Gays love drugs. Way to reinforce a negative stereotype fellas!

Steve Jobs, the turtlenecked titan of industry, is being inducted into the California Museum for History, Women and the Arts along with a woman from the Electric Company, a serial monogamist/former actress and a guy who took pictures of trees. Finally, someone is recognizing Steve for the good things he's done.

I'm not fat, I have a virus. Whew.

The act went "horribly awry"? No shit! I would say that's an understatement.

Plastic "Designer Impostor" Dick Clark, Ryan Seacrest will be hosting the Emmys. I can't believe I rode past E! Networks building in Dave White's Mazda wonderwagon and we didn't lie in wait to run him down to save the future. But the LaBrea Tar Pits weren't going to look at themselves.

LaBrea Tar Pits: Where nobody's dreams come true.

That's what was up this week, kids. Oh, and they're tearing up the Ranch Bowl to build a Wal Mart, but you can read about that in the previous post. Take 'er easy. Huzzah.

Whew, thanks Exeter International!



(via Queerty)

On Headline News at the gym over lunch today, on the screen beneath the headline "Rove Resigns" read the subhead:
"Bush: We're still going to be friends."

The picture on the screen was a press conference with Rove standing behind Bush.

Oh good. They're still going to be friends. I'm so relieved...

Wait... who gives a shit?!?

Seriously, even if you're the most ardent "Bushie" out there, do you really care that he and Karl "Turd Blossom" Rove are still going to be friends? Really?

I just don't believe it. Seriously, folks. Is this news? What the hell?

(Huzzah)

Here's a story of import to my fellow Nebraskans:

In case you missed it, hair-helmet spokesmodel and affable doof Rep. Lee Terry (R-NE) got into a bit of a kerfuffle with Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr. (D-IL) after Jesse stated that (according to the Congressional Quarterly) "republicans can't be trusted." Despite this being a mostly-true*, if slightly broad, statement, Rep. Terry retorted with the perpetually-clever "Shut up!" And that touched off a bit of a tiff 'twixt the two.

Evidently, kung fu master Jackson (no, not a joke) started slinging profanities, which is frankly a common response to anything Terry says, although usually with incredulity rather than anger. Then "Action" Jackson asked Terry to "step outside."

But there was no need to search through your kitchen drawer for your whoop-ass can opener, as a third unnamed lawmaker separated the two and forced them to sit in opposite corners and think about how sorry they were for what they did. Or something like that.

Classy as always. Now can we go back to making some laws fellas? Also, Lee, remember when you promised on the radio to limit yourself to 3 terms and were a staunch term-limit supporter? I do, because I was there. Wikipedia remembers as well. How's that fifth term going? Maybe YOU should do the shutting up.

This is Lee Terry with a list of all the things he opposes. Particularly "Printable Versions" of things. He hates those the most.
And what's with the "stylish rogue" 'do?

*When I say that republicans can't be trusted I just mean current administration republicans can't be trusted with stuff like legislation, upholding civil liberties, protecting our children, safeguarding the constitution, building a legitimate pretext for war or not covering up the violent execution of a studly young football star who fought in your stupid war even though he didn't believe in it. Aside from those things, republicans are very trustworthy. No offense.

Full story courtesy of Leavenworth Street via Wonkette

Sweet jumpin' Jehu, have any of you seen this illuminating article from the Washington Post? It's a real gasser!

Apparently if you're planning on flying back and forth from the U.S. to the E.U., you will be subject to a kind of "This is your life" personal data sharing program between the TSA and whatever their equally useless European counterparts are called. What information will they be allowed to interchange? Information...

about a person's race, ethnicity, religion and health. [including...]"racial or ethnic origin, political opinions, religious or philosophical beliefs, trade union membership" and data about an individual's health, traveling partners and sexual orientation.

Oh yes. But wait, you may be saying, how will they gather this information? Good question. Apparently...

Airlines do not usually gather such data, but officials say it could wind up in passenger files as a result of requests for special services such as wheelchairs, or through routine questioning by airline personnel and travel agents about contacts, lodging, next of kin and traveling companions. Even a request for a king-size bed at a hotel could be noted in the database.

So if your travel agent starts asking a lot of paranoid personal questions, now you know why. They're officially interrogating you in the name of safety!

Let's run down the list, shall we?

Race: Okay, profiling this is nothing new. If you're not of middle-eastern descent, or don't look like Metallica's James Hetfield,(scroll down until you see Metallica) you should be okay.

Ethnicity: Same sitch as race.

Religion: Radical Fundamental Muslim = Bad, Radical Fundamental Evangelical = Extra bag of peanuts (to share with the holy spirit)!

Health: I'm not sure which direction they'd prefer. Too healthy may mean that you may be a terrorist, and too fat may mean that you're from Iowa. I guess. Who knows?

Traveling partners: Who knows, maybe the person you think is your friend going on that ski trip has ties to evil-doers. You never can tell these days.

Sexual orientation: Whaaa Thaaaa Fuuuuh? Seriously? So are you inferring that a lesbian can't be a terrorist? I would expect that from a typical MAN like you.

And then there's the request for the King Size Bed. Who what on the who now? I must know A) What that has to do with the likelihood of being a terrorist and 2) How this information will be transferred across the ocean? "Watch out there Reginald, we've got a flight chock-full of lesbians in wheelchairs requesting California King sized beds at the Stratford-upon-Avon Holiday Inn hostel coming your way. Be on guard!"

Frightening Undead Ghoul and Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff
wants to rummage around in your private things and settle his "gut feelings."
(AP Photo)

Are we serious here, kids? Why does the TSA need to know any of this shit? For the most part they're just douchebags whose sole purpose it is to glare at you and throw away your carry-on shampoo. Oh... and make you feel safe. Which they shouldn't really be doing since numerous reports have concluded that the only thing the TSA is effective at is humiliating the flying public. It should be noted that they do a bang-up job of that, though.

That's all for now kids. I need to go apply for my RFID chip-encoded passport. Hopefully I'm unhealthy enough to pass through the crackerjack scrutiny of the TSA. Huzzah, kiddies.