Sweet jumpin' Jehu, have any of you seen this illuminating article from the Washington Post? It's a real gasser!

Apparently if you're planning on flying back and forth from the U.S. to the E.U., you will be subject to a kind of "This is your life" personal data sharing program between the TSA and whatever their equally useless European counterparts are called. What information will they be allowed to interchange? Information...

about a person's race, ethnicity, religion and health. [including...]"racial or ethnic origin, political opinions, religious or philosophical beliefs, trade union membership" and data about an individual's health, traveling partners and sexual orientation.

Oh yes. But wait, you may be saying, how will they gather this information? Good question. Apparently...

Airlines do not usually gather such data, but officials say it could wind up in passenger files as a result of requests for special services such as wheelchairs, or through routine questioning by airline personnel and travel agents about contacts, lodging, next of kin and traveling companions. Even a request for a king-size bed at a hotel could be noted in the database.

So if your travel agent starts asking a lot of paranoid personal questions, now you know why. They're officially interrogating you in the name of safety!

Let's run down the list, shall we?

Race: Okay, profiling this is nothing new. If you're not of middle-eastern descent, or don't look like Metallica's James Hetfield,(scroll down until you see Metallica) you should be okay.

Ethnicity: Same sitch as race.

Religion: Radical Fundamental Muslim = Bad, Radical Fundamental Evangelical = Extra bag of peanuts (to share with the holy spirit)!

Health: I'm not sure which direction they'd prefer. Too healthy may mean that you may be a terrorist, and too fat may mean that you're from Iowa. I guess. Who knows?

Traveling partners: Who knows, maybe the person you think is your friend going on that ski trip has ties to evil-doers. You never can tell these days.

Sexual orientation: Whaaa Thaaaa Fuuuuh? Seriously? So are you inferring that a lesbian can't be a terrorist? I would expect that from a typical MAN like you.

And then there's the request for the King Size Bed. Who what on the who now? I must know A) What that has to do with the likelihood of being a terrorist and 2) How this information will be transferred across the ocean? "Watch out there Reginald, we've got a flight chock-full of lesbians in wheelchairs requesting California King sized beds at the Stratford-upon-Avon Holiday Inn hostel coming your way. Be on guard!"

Frightening Undead Ghoul and Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff
wants to rummage around in your private things and settle his "gut feelings."
(AP Photo)

Are we serious here, kids? Why does the TSA need to know any of this shit? For the most part they're just douchebags whose sole purpose it is to glare at you and throw away your carry-on shampoo. Oh... and make you feel safe. Which they shouldn't really be doing since numerous reports have concluded that the only thing the TSA is effective at is humiliating the flying public. It should be noted that they do a bang-up job of that, though.

That's all for now kids. I need to go apply for my RFID chip-encoded passport. Hopefully I'm unhealthy enough to pass through the crackerjack scrutiny of the TSA. Huzzah, kiddies.

A couple nights ago, while cleaning up old files and directories on my MacBook Pro, I ran across an odd bit of prose I apparently wrote at least five years ago (possibly more and the last time I opened it was five years ago). It was the first page and a half of a short story about a boy with an aversion to thinking written in third-person omniscient. While not necessarily brilliant, it did contain nuanced language and clever uses of simile and metaphor to convey larger ideas. The wording was very alive and bright. The only two problems I have with it are: 1) I don't remember writing it, and 2) I don't write nearly as eloquently these days. It's really kind of heartbreaking. I think that with each passing year my vocabulary erodes a little bit and I lose a little bit of my subtlety. So one thing is for sure, I'll never be mistaken for Harper Lee. I really should've cranked out a book when I was still in my teens when I still had a good command of nuanced language but lacked the jaded maturity required to fully develop characters. Now I'm jaded and my characters emerge on the page fully-formed, but blunt and stupid. And now I'm worried about going back to finish it to find out that the bright voice in the beginning is too dull to finish it. Enough pity party, on with the news.

Other notes:

Spider Manhunt.net
Far be it from me to infer that Stan Lee has ho'd (correct spelling?) himself out from time to time (AHEM! Who wants to be a superhero, I'm looking at YOU), but apparently back in the 70's he cranked out a special Planned Parenthood edition of the Amazing Spider Man. It's all broken down on this guy's LiveJournal page. Can you even imagine the shitstorm that would create today? It boggles the mind. Particularly this part:



Particularly the "About Homosexuality" section. Like, perhaps it should say something at the end like "however... if you are examining Spidey's crotch in every frame of this comic then, yeah... you probably are. Deal with it." Hey, I'm a realist. Excelsior!

Politics

BREAKING: Alberto Gonzales is still employed and Senator David Vitter hasn't been shame-fingered out of Washington. Thanks family values voters!
It's not like he got a blowjob from an intern... no, instead he wore diapers for a hooker. He paid for it, for crissakes! Between this and all the documentaries I've been watching lately (i.e. SiCKO, Jesus Camp, and the like) I'm nearing the "throw my hands up in the air, give up, become an ex-patriot and move to Canada, Europe, etc., and leave the U.S. to all the fanati-tards that have seem to have taken over the asylum" moment. Anyone with me? I took a year of French in Jr. High. And I think I'd blend in well because I'm already rude and love cheese. Who's with me? (j/k Me + U.S. are BFF)

MegaMeme
I posted a new page, check it out. It's every "random questions" meme I've seen on myspace for the last six months. I've been compiling them for a while. Every thing you've never wanted to know about me is on there.

That's all for now. More this weekend, kiddies. Huzzah.

In my most recent "long dry spell" from blogging (my longest since the period from my birth until the word "blogging" was invented) I've still been out there kicking around on the ol' internet, or as Republican Senator Ted Stevens from Alaska calls them, "the tubes." Sure it may be funny that a 112 year old man can't understand the internet. I certainly find in funny that he can't seem to talk for more than about three minutes before he starts in with his rip-roaring "old coot" screaming. However none of this is funny because he's on the committee that regulates said "tubes" on behalf of the U.S. Gov't. So while you're laughing at Senator Ted howling about clogged up internet tubes, remember how a lobbyist is greasing his wheels to make him vote on things like making the internet a pay-to-play experience. See? Not funny. Not funny at all.

"Tubes!" shouts cranky fossil and techno-savvy sex symbol Theodore Stevens.

Also in my time off I've been assessing my own blog-reading habits and have pared myself down to a short list of essential RSS feeds to keep me hyper-informed on mostly meaningless minutiae during the workday. A lot of my blog-reading centers around Gawker Media sites. If you're unfamiliar I'll give you a quick review. Gawker has 14 sites in specific niches, here's the deets:

Gawker - New York gossip and entertainment news site. Cornerstone of Gawker media. Unless you are really into the New York "scenester" scene or somehow connected with the publishing industry, about 45% of the posts will interest you in no way whatsoever.

What you learn from Gawker: New York socialites are horrible people, New Yorker cartoons are hard to understand, Anderson Cooper is dreamy.

Defamer - Los Angeles counterpart to Gawker. This one is more interesting because you've heard of more of the people in the posts. L.A. scenesters, mostly entertainment industry-types and celebrities on lists "A" thru "F" are present and accounted for.

What you learn from Defamer: Spears, Lohan, Hilton. Rinse, repeat. Also, talent agencies are run by Satan, but is that really news?

Idolator - Music Industry News. Written by people who hate indie-music megasite Pitchfork, love reasonably good music and seemingly hate to see anyone succeed. Although this comes with a warning: Like any music blog, it can get a little snotty and "inside." Beware frequent references to events you've never heard about because you're too busy living your life to notice.

What you learn from Idolator: The RIAA is evil (true), T-Pain sells lots of records (sad, but true), and 50 Cent is allegedly broke (who cares?)

Jalopnik - Cars Cars Cars. All things automotive in easily digestible chunks. Like Automobile magazine before it went to hell.

What you learn from Jalopnik: Chris Bangle is a horrible, horrible douchebag. Bugatti Veyrons are expensive, and other things you already knew but like to see affirmed in print.

Fleshbot (NSFW) - Porn of all varieties. Name your flavor, there's something on there for you. If you need porn RSS fed to you because you're too lazy to look for it yourself online, then here's your answer. Unfortunately, if you're that person, you should kill yourself.

What you learn from Fleshbot: Caution! The MILF in the video does not look as good as the MILF on the box.

Kotaku - All things gaming. I don't actually read this one because I'm not a gamer (maybe I'm spending too much time on Fleshbot).

What you learn from Kotaku: Without my own World of Warcraft character, I guess I will never know.

Deadspin - Sports. Like ESPN only for the internet. So basically an all-editorial version of ESPN.com. I'm no jock, so I don't read this one either.

What you learn from Deadspin: Dogfighting is not sanctioned by the NFL

Gridskipper - Travel. This seems to be the weak link in the Gawker family. Each post is just "Place: Neat thing in place" Whoop-a-dee-doo! Who cares?

What you learn from Gridskipper: Your poor ass can't afford to travel anywhere. So don't bother, just read about it.

Consumerist - Perhaps the most useful of the Gawker sites. It tries to put power back in the hands of the people. Of course like most attempts to do such an admirable thing, it fails. But hey, at least they try.

What you learn from Consumerist: Best Buy sucks, but didn't you already know that? Also, Geek Squad is stealing your porn. But if you really thought about it, you probably knew that already, too.

Gizmodo - Gadgets, Toys, and daily breakthroughs in the world of USB-powered desk accouterments. Also super-cool cell phones that will never be sold in the U.S.

What you learn from Gizmodo: Look! The asian guy stuck a Wii down his pants! Comedy! Also, iPhone iPhone iPhone, muthafuckin iPhone!

Valleywag - Silicon valley movers & shakers (AKA People you've never fucking heard of). Goings on of the tech industry from the least interesting behind the scenes angles.

What you learn from Valleywag: Some guy who started up some terrible "e-pimentoloaf.com"-style site has been fired and the doors have been closed. Let's all have a good old fashioned Schadenfreude laugh at his misery. Also, lots of tech industry people are fat, for whatever reason.

Lifehacker - Little things you can do to be a better obedient little tech-emo worker bee. Using the web and/or free software to better organize your so-called life.

What you learn from Lifehacker: Oh look, free Windows apps. Who gives a shit?

Jezebel - Girl blogging for girls. Girl stuff, for ladies, women and girls of the feminine persuasion.

What you learn from Jezebel: Without an operable vagina of my own, I have no idea.

Wonkette - Brilliant political blog. D.C. gossip mixed with plain old political vitriol that falls hard on the centrist position. My BFF of weblogs. It handily replaces the joyless Daily Kos as my source for political goings-on.

What you learn from Wonkette: The president might just actually be a dumbass, Cheney might just actually be a complete and total douchenozzle, David Vitter might just have a diaper fetish and John McCain might just actually be WALNUTS!

So that's where I've been, mired deep in the cyberverse reading other people's rants. But now I'm back to spill forth my ranty opines upon you all. God help you. And if you have a fave blog, please send it to me at the contact me page. I may just include it in my "must read" blogroll, or at least I'll look at it and go "huh."

Huzzah, babies.

We're nearing completion on the new build. Many more pages up. Lots of thoughts to complete, put into print and get up here. Please look around and if you have any questions, comments or constructive suggestions please use the "Contact Me" page. If you have any complaints, keep 'em to yourself.

Okay, kids. We're in the homestretch. I've got the new site about 90% laid out and about 15% built. But the building is the easy part. The hard part, however, will be the outlay for software. All the new pretties are going to set me back a bit, so I'm going to have to sit on the full upload for another paycheck or so. Although it's really an arbitrary date, let's say the official launch of docmarvy 2.0 will be July 23rd. That date is subject to change, but at least I should be able to get the full version of Rapidweaver by then and have most of the pages built and launch-ready. I have a little more theme-tweaking to do, but you're looking at a very close approximation of what it will be.

The big deal here is that I should... SHOULD have one-button blog update capabilities, which is what I'm hoping for. That's kind of the whole reason for this migration from iWeb. In the interim, I haven't been very good about updating the Weisenheimers blog, not that anyone but me would notice. The idea is that I will move all my political, sexual, and religious rantings to this blog so that the weisen-blog can return to being only about comedy and almost never updated. There should at least be less foul language. Which I'm sure comes as a relief to my... reader? Whatever.

Anyway, although you haven't seen much here, there's been progress behind the scenes. Brace yourself for a vibrant new docmarvy.com coming sometime this July when I can fork over a couple hundred bucks in software.

And you wondered why I didn't get an iPhone. I'm broke, bitch!